Fearless Reason

Fearless reason in an age of frightened absurdity.

Tag: ascension

Self Revelation

Self revelation is the first step to knowing god. Only when we accept and acknowledge all of our little “I ams” are we able to begin to understand the great “I AM” that is all things. Loving, knowing, and accepting the self is our first initiation into loving, knowing, and accepting god. As long as we reject or fail to acknowledge those aspects of ourselves that cause us shame, embarrassment, or pain, we reject and fail to acknowledge our own particular manifestation of divinity. The only way to enter into communion with infinity is through our own finite beings. As long as our discomfort, fear, and lack of self-worth blind us to the totality of our being, god will remain hidden.

Poverty of the Soul

My karma predisposes me towards asceticism. That may have been a virtue in a different culture and age, but in this world it has made me a slave. I grew up poor, in a poor community, in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. I have never prioritized pleasure or happiness, because I was taught those were luxuries we could not afford. That fidelity to joyless duty has followed me into the middle class, and along my spiritual journey.

Even after awakening to my true nature as an infinite being of love and bliss, I have remained in some ways impoverished. I have passively accepted things that serve neither my happiness nor that of others. I have retreated into inward bliss, as the inertia of a middle class life set in motion before my awakening consumes most of my time with things that serve a life I do not desire.

This world rewards those who doggedly pursue their desires to the exclusion of all else, no matter how misguided. I have seldom had strong desires beyond my desire for union with god. Before awakening I did not know yet what I sought. So I set about building a safe middle class life designed to alleviate the condition of material deprivation.

Then within months of starting that middle class life, I awakened to my true nature, and realized the worst poverty is that of the soul. I now wistfully reflect on the freedom of that materially impoverished child from the mountains. He wanted to seek god, but had no one to show him the way. I now know the way, but have less physical freedom than ever before. How long will I continue serving a middle class life designed to alleviate a poverty I no longer fear?

Inward Regression or Outward Reform

Though I have undergone drastic internal transformation since my awakening, the external aspects of my life have been more resistant to change. Each year brings gradual reform to my habits, circumstances, and outward identity. But the outward circumstances of my life are ever lagging behind who my soul is calling me to be.

Since 2011 I have changed political affiliations, cities, jobs, adopted a daily meditation practice, become a vegetarian, and have found spiritual community. There are many other outward changes I might list, but these are a few that stick out. What is most notable about these changes is that all of them have slowly been moving me towards a more loving and peaceful way of being in the world.

Over the years I have come to see a decided pattern to these periods of change. Each major change is preceded by a prolonged period of discomfort and unhappiness. A circumstance or habit simply has to become unbearable to my soul, until finally, I reach a point where I must choose between inward regression or outward reform.

I am still moving toward a more perfect alignment between my soul and outward circumstances. But as I become more inwardly peaceful, I have become more acutely aware of those places in my life of tension, discomfort, and unhappiness. I know what makes me happy and what does not, and I know the direction I need to move in, if not the destination.

Waiting til the Harvest

Waiting
til the
harvest.

Sewing
seeds of
anticipation.

Waiting
for ripeness
not ruin.

Reaping
a bounty of
expectations.

Waiting
til the
storm.

Preparing
to be
born.